


The Nothings Mean Everything

by teaandcharcoal



Series: Trans!Dave [7]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Earth C (Homestuck), Fluff, M/M, Multi, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Trans Male Character, birthday not sex, trans!Dave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 10:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10615224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaandcharcoal/pseuds/teaandcharcoal
Summary: It's John's 21st birthday, but instead of looking forward to drinking or sex or gifts, he just wants to enjoy some quality time with his boyfriends.Part of a series, but you can read it as a standalone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> If there's one thing I'm a sucker for, it's domestic fluff. Always and forever. 
> 
> This takes place before In Season. Dave has been on T for a few months at this point.

It’s one of those mornings where waking up is like floating in a pool of unusually thick water. If you tried to actually move you’d have to struggle, splash around and really expend a lot of effort. But as long as you just lie there, you’re supported in your semi-consciousness and just existing is the most comfortable thing in the world.

Your bed is warm and soft, the blankets formed around you perfectly. Karkat's curled up at your side, his breathing soft and even. You turn, burying your nose in his hair and inhaling deeply. He hums softly, not quite awake. Through the wall you can hear the steady sound of the shower running. Oh, God you wish you could just lay here forever. You close your eyes and give in to the warmth and the comfort of your bed and one of your lovers. It’s not like you’ve got anywhere else to be.

The door opens with a soft creak and you jump. Dave stands in the doorway. He looks more a blueish-grayish-pinkish blob than anything else, but you’d recognize your partner anywhere.  

"Morning," he says, his voice like the soft rumble of far-off thunder.

"Hey," you reply softly.

As he gets closer he begins to come into focus. You realize he's wearing some of your pajamas. Your flannel pants drag on the ground and your t-shirt reaches his mid-thigh. He doesn't have his binder on, and the shirt stretches a little across his chest. His hair is damp and his face slightly flushed. He smiles at you softly, his eyes lovely and soft without his shades in the way. A bead of water clings to his bangs, vanishing as he pushes them back. 

He sits on the edge and reaches over to tenderly caress your face. You close your eyes and sigh softly.

"Happy birthday," he says.

"Thanks. Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Took the day off.” His voice cracks. You giggle and he clears his throat. “Besides, even if I didn’t have vacation I'd have no problem living this day twice to spend it with you."

"D'aww. And you call me a sap. Come 'ere."

He slips under the covers and presses against you, warm and soft and welcoming. Since he's awake, you roll towards him to give him more of your attention. He smells like soap and tastes like toothpaste, but he still puts up with your morning breath, even moans softly into the kiss. You’re still working on getting used to the new firmness of his cheeks, but today his skin is perfectly smooth. Heh, seems like he’s finally getting the hang of shaving.

Karkat stirs behind you. One of his arms snakes over your waist, presses up against your chest. “Having fun without me?”

“The most fun ever,” Dave says. “Now it’s ruined, good job.”

“Oh shut up.” Karkat presses his face against the back of your head.

Dave hooks one of your legs, takes it between his own.

“I just wanna cuddle,” you murmur.

“Okay.” He doesn’t pull you any higher between his thighs, just lets your legs tangle. “Sorry.”

“You’re fine. I remember what puberty was like.”

Karkat purrs and slides his head up a little bit so he can kiss Dave over your shoulder. Dave reaches over you, running his fingers through Karkat’s hair. You roll onto your back so you can watch them kiss from below. When they pull apart they both look at you, eyes full of soft, warm love.

Dave lays back down, placing his head on your chest. You stroke his hair, loving how soft it feels without his usual gel.

“Oh yeah, it’s your wiggling day, isn’t it?” Karkat asks.

“Yep! Well, Dave says it is anyhow and I usually trust him on this kind of thing.”

Dave makes an affirmative noise.

“Happy wiggling day, then.” He gives you a long good morning kiss, not really passionate or excited, but you can feel how much he wants to be here, just savoring the contact.

“I love you guys,” you murmur as he pulls away.

“Love you too,” they both reply, Dave’s voice a little muffled by your chest.

Karkat snorts. “Comfy down there?”

He tips his head up enough to speak. “I mean, I don’t normally get the big bara tiddies on a Thursday.”

You blush and push him off. Dave whines. “Yeah, okay let’s, uh, food.”

“I don’t get why you’re so self-conscious about it,” Karkat grumbles. “At least Dave has an excuse.”

Dave shrugs. “It’s not my fault his boobs are better than mine.”

“That’s subjective,” Karkat says as you climb out of bed. “I kind of like both.”

“Oh come on, have you even _seen_ him?”

You know what? They can bicker. You’re just gonna take a shower.

You’re standing there, just enjoying being clean and in a warm steamy room when the door opens.

“Hey,” Karkat says, “Dave wants to know what you want for breakfast. He promises he’ll do his best to not burn the place down this time.”

You laugh. “Make him do a pinky swear.”

“Okay, I will, but I'm not running the stairs twice. What did you want?”

“Uh, not pancakes. French toast maybe?”

“Cool, got it. And, um…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Huh?”

“For the stuff about your chest.”

“Oh!” Should you make it a thing? No, don’t make it a thing. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure?” He asks uncertainly.

“Yeah. With all the stuff going on… It’s a lot for everyone.”

He sighs. “I guess.”

“What time did you finally get to sleep last night?” You ask, changing the subject.

“Like four.”

“Karkat, you need to-“

“I know. I’m trying. But there's not much we can do about it now. When you finish come downstairs, okay? We’re making some of that coffee you can actually drink.”

“Sweet!”

He stands still just for a moment and then turns to go. Once the door’s shut again you turn off the water and start toweling yourself off. Breakfast you don’t have to make always sounds good, and cooking should help keep Dave distracted. It’ll be good.

By the time you get clothes on and make it to the kitchen, Dave has the first few pieces of toast on the griddle. You can smell it a little, but it’s mostly overpowered by the scent of bacon. Karkat's sitting at the table, sipping his coffee and staring at his computer. He's wearing a shirt you recognize as Dave's. Maybe you should have grabbed one of his and completed the chain. But none of them would fit right.

Karkat looks up at you and smiles as you take a seat next to him. His email is open on the laptop. You notice a bunch from his publisher, a few from fans, and a couple of alerts that someone's writing fan fiction about his book. Hopefully you haven’t interrupted his daily awe that people actually like his writing.

Dave walks away from the stove to slide you a cup of coffee.

“Thanks. Do you want some help with-“

“Nah,” he replies. “Me and Karkat’re spoiling you today.”

You laugh, “Aw, I guess I’ll manage.”

You take the cream and sugar and add enough to make the coffee actually drinkable. Dave pulls the bacon from the microwave, puts the pieces on a plate, and sets in on the table. Karkat takes a piece without looking up from his computer.

It's all just so domestic, so _normal._ You want to feel warm, comforted by being able to just live your life with your two amazing partners. But there's a hint of dread in your gut as you wait for the other shoe to drop, for things to change, to be in danger again. But nothing happens. You just sit and drink your coffee and then after a while Dave comes over with another plate piled high with French toast and the three of you eat.

"This actually turned out pretty good," you say.

"And Jane said she'd never make a Strider-proof recipe," Karkat teases.

"Fuck you, Vantas."

"I love you too."

Not for the first time you feel like an intruder. This was theirs long before it was yours, and you'll never forget that. But then Dave nudges you with his foot.

"Hey, birthday boy, what do you wanna do today?"

You shrug. "I didn't really have any plans. Kinda just want to hang out."

"Sounds good to me," Karkat says.

"Yeah, that'll work.” Dave takes a long drink from his coffee. “We're taking you out tonight, though."

"Like to eat or-?"

"More in an assassin kind of way," Dave replies.

You snort. "Okay."

"Yeah, no. More like since you'd be legally able to drink back on earth we wanna take you to some bars and shit."

"Dave, the drinking age here is 18," you point out.

"So?"

"So we've had a fully stocked liquor cabinet since you time travelled us here."

"You’re acting like that would matter to Dave," Karkat points out.

"Yeah, John, it's the principle of the thing." Dave takes a determined bite of toast

You roll your eyes. "Okay, fine."

"Sweet! I told Roxy we'd meet up with her and Jane and Callie for a double date anyway. Triple date? The six of us are gonna all go someplace and I'm gonna keep a tally of how many people assume we're three straight couples."

"Come on, Dave, no one's gonna think that."

"I mean," Karkat says. "Before Roxy decided she wanted to date Callie and Jane we thought maybe the two of you would get together."

"I guess so." You reach for another piece of bacon. "Maybe we would have. Who knows?"

"Well _I'm_ glad you didn't,” Dave says. “I never would have heard the end of the 'your mom' jokes."

"I mean, apparently before I retconned it you thought Jane was hot. The 'your mom'ing could have been mutual."

Dave smiles. "What do you mean before you retconned it? She's still hot. I'm just a loving and dutiful boyfriend."

Karkat snorts. "Keep telling yourself that."

"So that gives Karkat Callie," You say.

"No."

"Come on, we already know you're into xeno, Karkles," Dave teases. 

"Yeah, but I have never met anyone in my life gayer than Callie. And I'm close friends with _Kanaya._ Also on my end I'm not sure exactly how I feel about the trollsona thing. Like if that was something she wanted to do during sex it might get really uncomfortable and I don't wanna get started on the giant sex snake part."

"You know, I've always kind of wondered about the mechanics of that," you admit. "Is their house big enough for the transformation? Or is she just celibate? Does she use her spacey powers to make extra room somewhere either to do stuff with them or else jerk off somehow? However you do that without arms, I mean."

"Get a few drinks in and I'm sure one of them'll tell us," Dave says. "Kind of a shame Roxy's gonna be our designated driver, because she'd be the most likely to spill."

"I said I _didn't_ want to get started on the sex snake part," Karkat grumbles, "And what do they do?"

You laugh. "Sorry, babe." You put your arm around his shoulder. He rolls his eyes at you, but squeezes your hand affectionately.

"Alright, I'm done eating." Karkat stands and picks up his plate. "I'm gonna go shower. I'd say don't be dicks to each other, but I know better."

"Thanks for trusting us, Karkat," Dave says.

"Yeah, Karkat."

He grumbles something to himself as he sets his plate in the sink and goes upstairs.

Once he's gone you turn back to Dave. "So how are you this morning? Honestly?"

"I'm fine."

You give him a disbelieving look.

"Really! I am! It's okay, I'm over it."

"You sure?"

"It's not like dwelling on it'll change anything. Besides," he catches your ankle between his feet. "Today's about you. You don't need to make yourself suffer for my sake. I'll be alright."

If he's putting on a front it's a good one. Picking at it more would just piss him off. "Okay."

"Awesome. I'm gonna go start on the dishes." He gets up.

"But you cooked," your protest.

"Yeah, but it's your birthday and dishes are my job." He stacks the plates and takes them over to the sink.

You watch him for a few moments and then come up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist. He feels amazing in your arms, warm and soft but still so solid. When everything feels so fake it's nice to have a boyfriend that's undeniably real. His smell is already so different from when you first started dating, more musky and with different undertones. You love it.

"Hey there," he says, not stopping.

"Hi." You bend down so you can tuck his head under your chin.

You half-close your eyes, but keep watching him scrub the plates clean.

"You just gonna stand there and cling to me?" he asks.

"Yep." You tip your head so that your cheek is pressed against his scalp.

"You're such a weirdo."

"You love me, though," you say.

"I do."

Neither of you speak for a few moments, you just enjoying being with him while he works. The water shuts off and he turns in your arms, pressing the side of his cheek to your chest and bringing one hand up over your heart. He inhales deeply, hopefully enjoying your scent as much as you do his.

"Oh fuck," he breathes. "Sometimes I hate how much I love this."

"Huh?"

He jerks away. "I- uh- don't worry about it."

"Too late, what did you mean?"

"John, not today, can't we just-"

"No, because it's gonna bug me too much. Is-" you cut yourself off, but then take a deep breath. You need to use words, come on. "Do you not want to do this anymore?"

"Fuck, John, I- Okay, first, No, I don't wanna break up with you. You're fucking amazing. Being with you is just- it's like breathing. It feels natural and normal and _right._ But when I press against you like that, when you make me feel so small and safe it's great but…" He looks away

"But what?"

"But sometimes," his voice cracks and he starts again. "Sometimes it makes me think I'm making a mistake trying to…" he gestures down at his body. "Trying to change myself."

It _is_ still about that. Very fleetingly it occurs to you this could easily be an "I told you so" moment, but not when he's this vulnerable. Instead you put a hand under his chin, direct his gaze back up towards you. "Dave, you've been totally sure about wanting to go on T for almost a decade." 

"But being like this- I just-"

"Dave, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, liking men doesn't make you a girl. It just makes you _gay."_

He opens his mouth to say something, but then just shuts it again.

"Look, if someday you can tell me you're a woman with half the certainty you had when you told me you were a boy nine years ago and on a regular basis since then, I will believe you. Until then, ignore that little voice in the back of your head saying you're not good enough. Because you're more than good enough. It doesn't matter that you're short. It doesn't matter that sometimes you like doing domestic stuff. And it doesn't matter that your boobs grew back less than a day after you tried getting top surgery."

He winces. Yeah, it was definitely about that. You run your fingers through his hair.

"Dave, you know who you are, okay? And if you're all wrapped up in your head and you forgot, you're my _boy_ friend, and I love you."

He throws his arms around you and buries his face in your chest. You hold him for a little while, rubbing soothing circles onto his back. Then he gently pushes you back.

"I- uh…" his voice is thick, but he wipes his tears away.  "Thanks."

"Anytime."

"Happy birthday.” His voice is croaky and hearing him _hurts._ “My gift was  feeding your hero complex. This was a totally planned mental breakdown."

You laugh. "You're _so_ thoughtful, Dave!"

It's right about then that Karkat comes back downstairs.

"Well you both look guilty as fuck. What'd I miss?"

"Dave needs hugs," you explain.

"What? Dave needing hugs?" He asks flatly. "What a bizarre and unusual turn of events."

"Get your sarcastic ass over here," Dave says.

"Thought John was calling the shots today."

"I am," you say. "And I demand we make a Strider sandwich."

"Well if you put it that way." Karkat comes over and slides between Dave and the sink, and together you squish your partner.

"Can't- Breathe-" Dave fake chokes out.

"Come on, Strider, we all know you like it."

"And I can feel the air going into your lungs," you say, ignoring Karkat's comment.

"Shhh," they both reply.

After a little while Dave starts wiggling and says, "Hey guys, it's getting kind of warm in here."

You back off, giving him space. "So, uh…" They both look at you expectantly. "Wanna watch a shitty action movie?"

"Sounds like fun." Dave smiles just a little bit.

The three of you make your way downstairs to your theater. Dave plops down on the couch in one of his weird uncomfortable-looking positions, with one leg thrown over the arm of the couch even though he's mostly facing forward. You sit next to him, putting your arm around his shoulder, and then Karkat takes the seat on your other side. He fishes the remote out and then puts his head on your shoulder.

"What do you want to watch?" he asks.

"I donno, just pull up Netflix," you say.  

"Webfilm," he corrects.

"Okay," Dave says, "convergent technology or not, it's still a ripoff, and we're still calling it Netflix."

"Stupid humans, teaming up on me," Karkat grumbles.

But he pulls up _obviously not_ Netflix and you look through the weird mismatch of your shared recommended list.

"Oh, hey, I heard _Lords of Zerthos_ was pretty good," You say.

"I'd be about it," Dave says.

"Is that the one that's got Katie Carron in it?" Karkat asks.

"Yeah, this is the one where they get all those pictures of her in tight leather and covered in blood. Why did you think I said I'd be about it?"  

"We're watching this one," Karkat says, hitting start. 

"Just don't drool on me too much, okay?" You grumble.

"No promises." Dave moans, "Oh man, I'm so jealous of the stunt guys though. I would pay so much to have her punch me in the face."

"Same," Karkat says.

"You guys are so weird."

"Have you seen her?" Dave asks.

"Yeah, she's a very pretty woman, but I don't get-"

"Shush," Karkat says, papping your face lightly.

"Dave, you do know all the humans on this planet are descended from us, right?"

"Come on, dude, how many generations has it been? It's _fine."_

You roll your eyes. "Yeah, well, you're stuck with me instead."

"Hey, I never said I'd mind having you punch me on the face."

"Ugh, you guys are _so_ weird."

"But you love us," Karkat says.

"Yeah, yeah," you scritch his scalp lightly and feel him melt against you.

On your other side, Dave is starting to put more and more of his weight against you. They're both here, both real. Even if it is just for a while, even if there's some other shoe bound to drop, you're going to enjoy this, dammit.


End file.
